He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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