Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My vagina just recognized that song.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
