Ketchup is God's man juice
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
