South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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