it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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