dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
