I'm lost and stupid without you.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
