why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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