I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
