it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
