It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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