Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
