Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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