So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We left an ass print on the piano.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
