Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
