I accidentally had phone sex last night
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
