Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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