Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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