I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
