Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
