Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
