im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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