i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
