I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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