come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
