fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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