When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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