and next time when you feel me up, do it right
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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