There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
