that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
