He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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