i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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