Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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