yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
