youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
