I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
