You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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