the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
