i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
