shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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