1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
