How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
