You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
