she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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