"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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