i wish semen tasted like chocolate
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
