you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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