Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
