okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
