It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
