No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
