Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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