Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
