Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
