matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
